I feel nothing

Right, I’m back from my unofficial hiatus. Real life has been kicking my ass and the blog just fell by the wayside.
I am depressed. I am extremely depressed. I am depressed to the point that I wonder why am I alive?

WHY WHY WHY??

I guess I am alive because I completely procrastinated on the whole suicide idea. Then I thought if I am going to die might as well get a life insurance. But unfortunately the life insurance does not cover suicide for the first year...so suicide is off the cards for one year.
When you are depressed, you need your friends to motivate and support you. Speaking of friends, when my so called "best friend" came to know of my plans, his sole concern was why haven't I nominated him in my insurance policy. Way to go "BFF"
Depression is not just a word or a feeling. It covers and affects everything from not sleeping to the horrific nightmares my brain throws at me if I manage to fall asleep.
Horrible nightmares...in which I am falling in a pit of snakes and then there are millions of snakes crawling over me, grappling me, biting me.
I thought if I saw Hiss, those snakes in my dreams might get replaced by Mal-licka, but that didn't happen.

Mallika...not to be

So now, I have a dead end job in which there is nothing for me to do.Maybe its because if you do the job badly enough, sometimes you don't get asked to do it again And now I don't even bother showing my face to my superiors cause I don't fear the consequences.
So what do I do all day?
I sit and ponder over petty things like if you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn into?

hmmm...purple

I try to not think of the one person I should not think of but that is just too damn hard to do.
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night." and then 4 out of 5 voices in my head say go to sleep

But I am still alive...
So far, so good.

P.S: If the ocean was made of vodka and I were a duck, I would swim to the bottom and never come up.
But since the ocean isnt vodka and Im not a duck, Just hand me the bottle and shut the fuck up

Sacrifice

Life begins to fall apart
The damned call to be one with them
Fear of mortality gets forgotten
Existence and non existence become one
From dusk till dawn
The horizons of chaos sing her song
His soul burns
She basks in the ashes
His mind lies in peace
Free from the torments of existence
Knowing that his sacrifice
could keep her warm that night

The boy who loved an angel

His dreams
merged into the
realms of reality
keep him lost
Away from the
outer world
Away from chaos
He dwells in his own thoughts
He mutely praises beauty
and hopelessly craves
for that divine sunshine
When the everlasting silence suffocates him
He tries to close his eyes
and feels his angel next to him
He talks about life and memories
Sorrow never leaves him though
Jim Morrison, Coldplay and Scorpions
keep him alive
His existence is indiscernible
His soul exiled for eternity
and suffer he must as he dared
to fall in love with an angel

WHAT DOESN'T KILL YOU

WHAT DOESN'T KILL YOU MAKES
YOU AN ALCOHOLIC

WHAT DOESN'T KILL YOU MAKES
YOU JUMP AT THE SLIGHT VIBRATION
OF YOUR PHONE

WHAT DOESN'T KILL YOU MAKES
YOU AN IMPOSSIBLE PERSON TO LIVE WITH

WHAT DOESN'T KILL YOU MAKES
YOU HIDE IN A CORNER

WHAT DOESN'T KILL YOU MAKES
YOU WISH YOU WERE DEAD

IT SURE AS HELL DOESN'T MAKE YOU ANY STRONGER

Battle for a Beetle

If you are a rich snob or a sassy dame and have a beautiful body but a shallow soul, then which car suits you? The answer is the Volkswagen Beetle.
And Bollywood seems to have developed a special liking to the Beetle, that too a yellow Beetle. First, we had the GK-2 match-maker Aisha flaunting it. The song "by the way" focused more on the Beetle knocking down pedestrians than on the actress. And now, the Yellow beetle or the Yeetle appears again in Imran-Deepika starer 'Break ke Baad".
If you have tons of money, and want to give an engagement gift to your soon to be better half, what do you pick? The answer, again my friends is the Beetle. This was done by our very own Imraan( no not the frog eyed singer...not the serial kisser either...yup the cousin or nephew or son or whatever he is of Aamir Khan), who gifted a red Beetle to his girlfriend Avantika. So dont be surprised if your girl friend expects you to gift her a Beetle for her next birthday/first hug anniversary/first kiss anniversary/first fight anniversary/...
Comfortable, convenient and classic, these were the adjectives used to describe the Volkswagen Beetle. But at 20 lakh+( and Volkswagen means "people's car" :P) for a car that is only slightly bigger than Tata Nano, "stylish without substance" would be more apt.
and Bollywood, please please ohh puhleez stop publicizing the Yeetle

torn

How did I get to this point in my life
Love really does cut like a knife
Torn between two ;both dear to my heart
Now I must choose, one gets my heart and other departs

Both of you radiate my soul
I need the two of you in my world
Can't live a double life though
It's too abnormal to do.

I try to weigh the two
But its a stupid thing to do
Using logic here will not help
I wonder how long will I yelp

What do I do? where do I turn
No matter what my decision someone is going to get burned
Do I stay? or do I go
What will my life bring tomorrow

Perfect Death

Why desire for a perfect life
It doesn’t exist
Life must come to an end
Like all things do

Emotion soaring sky high
Entangled rope of treasure
Holding on tightly to life
Never willing to let go

Life always betrays you
Chokes onto your freedom
Drowning you in pity
Despair and gloom

Death is waiting for you
Always lurking around
At each nook and corner
Eternal, unswerving

Death is inevitable
It will cover you
Under its dark cloak
Greet you with glee

The blood will cease to flow
The eyes will cease to glow
The skin will turn pale
Lungs will no longer exhale

Embrace of deathly cold
Silent, sweet and painless
I die each night
For death and I become one

Be it in a pit of snakes
Or run over by a train
Falling from a cliff
Or a slit on the vein

I die each night
Just a roseate scratch
Shining yet obscure

Death is in me
Yet I Desire
Not for a perfect life
But for a perfect death

Still, I'll miss you

The sun dissolves and bids a final farewell
As I silently stand alone in the darkness of hell
Reliving dark moments of stories I can’t tell
Spiralling down, only I will know where I fell

I know you belong with me
but that might never be
But I miss you
Yeah I miss you

Sadness consume my already tattered soul
From within, slowly darkness begins to take hold
I stare into the sea of moments untold
Too tired to wage battle, I succumb and lose my soul

On the outside I smile
But that is just lie
Coz I miss you
Yeah I miss you

With clenched fists I close my eyes
A fool was I for believing I could fly
Standing in the centre of blue and gray skies
I walk a fine line where the darkness hides

There is no one to blame
But me, what a shame
And I miss you
Yeah I miss you

I will disappear and bid a final farewell
Silent and alone in this darkness of hell
Dark moments of stories I won’t tell
Only I shall know where I once fell

I know you won’t be there
My angel, my fairy
But I’ll miss you
Still, I’ll miss you

Addicted

Just a few drinks and I am not sober
You say I must mend my ways, quit bibber
I'm reaching high, reaching for that fairy in the sky
The one who will wipe my tears when I cry

I know you have priorities
There are things you have to do
I'm not angry, just sad
there's little place for me

Every time I hear the ringing of the phone
or see your name pop up online
strange feelings and emotions are imbrued
Because I feel I'm addicted to you


You are so close yet so far away
I wonder how to be with you always
I try as hard as I can do
I know that I am addicted to you

Miss U

I miss you like a fish on dry land
misses the fresh water of the pond
Gasping for oxygen, can't survive
It's time here is over, must travel beyond

I miss you like a night misses the moon.
Stars hang suspended in a black sky
Clouds break into tears, raindrops fall
They are lost in reminiscence, cry

I miss you like the fallen leaves
lying on the ground, scattered and sodden
miss the tree they used to sway upon
Getting trampled, souls downtrodden.

I miss you like a man who can't see
a blind, misses his precious eyes
Bright and vivid images all around
To smell and touch them he tries

I miss you like a mouth with no tongue
has its thoughts caught up in the mind
It can't express all these muted feelings
words left unspoken and all left behind

Enlightened

The mind is at sea of tranquility with a chaos undefined
Frothing waves come to the shore to rest and unwind
The end is calming, blurry morning follows a chaotic night
On a heap of garbage I reflect...its time to set things aright

I just need some time

I never knew I could be so wrong,
but you showed me.
I never thought I could be so heartless
but then "they" made me.
I love the way you love me,
and I couldn't stand if you didn't.
I know I can't be with you
but don't you ever dare leave me.
I'm used to your love,
And I'm used to not showing mine.
But I love you, and you know it

I just need some time
Time to figure things out
Time to show my siblings the path
Time to make my career, sing and dance
Time to show my parents you are not what they think you are
Then I'll be yours, you'll be mine, forever and ever, till eternity

Disguised

She stands elegantly disguised
Riding high on mighty waves
Covers herself with shallow warmth
quiet, proud, and brave

She looks around her
Waves of laughter passing her by
Holds to her secret tightly
Light is in short supply

The dreaded moment arrives
Inner cold escapes in the form of tears
And she silently sobs and weeps
None pays heed, darkness nears

But they'll never listen
Her pride won't let her speak
She'll end up alone, unnoticed
forgotten, unloved and weak

Grass is always greener on the other side

Shining in the distance
They see a beacon of happiness
It flashes and then is gone
Enticing them, exploiting weakness

So many seeking happiness,
yet none have a clue or trail
and if not found amid the world
they say its the "holy grail"

None content with what they have
Living like nomads, never do they bide
I hope its not too late when they realize
the grass is always greener on the other side

Bittersweet jealousy

I should not care
about the person you see
But why does your seeking of others
create this confusion in me

I am stuck behind this blue screen
I wish it did not bother me
But it does
Am I jealous?

My mind has created
a faultless image of his
Cause I know you deserve the best
and this my eye does envy

It's creeping up inside of me,
the feelings only get worse.
I want to shout out loud,
want my voice to be heard.

May be I am jealous
Jealous because he gets
to walk with you, be with you
While I watch and wait

If it is jealousy
I'd like to call it bittersweet
It makes me realise how precious
yo are, made me an aesthete

You must do what you do
I will never ask you to alter
I'll wait for you
From summer solstice to winter

My heart says don't worry boy
some day we'll be together
I'd love being with you
be it sunny, rainy or cloudy weather

My hero

You are my hero, Dad
You're my strong foundation.
When I think of you,
It gives me determination

You lovingly guide me
and are stern at times too
You make my life better
I owe my identity to you

You are my hero, Dad
You always wish my happiness
And shower your blessings
your love and your kindness

I am scared when you are far
I feel safe with you
You always protect me
and undo my mistakes too

You have been my hero, Dad
right from the very start
You always know what I want
before I even say a word

At times we have our differences
you get angry, making me sad
I may not be the best son
But I love you a lot, Dad

I want to fulfil your dreams
comfort you, love you always
I want to make you proud
and give you a great father's day

Hope amidst despair

I thought I had lost you
Whatever little was mine
Sorrow crushed my soul
despair and doom intertwine

Your sweet voice, dear
Is what makes my clock tick
If I have wronged you somehow
It is forgiveness I seek

Seeing you in grief
throws me into exile
I care too much about you,
I want you to laugh, to smile

You are my inspiration
You are my motivation
But you seem so distant
an unexplained aberration

You are the fuel driving me
My angel in Lucifer's lair
You make the air worth breathing
You are my hope amidst despair

Goodnight

"Goodnight" you say
"Goodnight" say I
what a wonderful night
none can deny

Sweet dreams dear
fall into slumber's embrace
I'll keep you in my heart
An epitome of elegance and grace

I look out of the window
It is almost dawn
My eyes are drowsy
and the lips part to yawn

Your sweet voice
still ringing in my ears
I close my eyes
your portrait appears

Another day will begin soon
and bring shining light
I'll wait for the phone to ring
Sleep tight, heart. Goodnight

across infinitude

Where did you go?
Where did you disappear?
Burning sensation in my chest
I can hardly bear

My heart burns in flames
Sparks and smoke rise
Throbbing faster and faster
Your picture just cant suffice

I want to loose myself
like the smoke gets lost in the sky

I want to become your cloak

protect you from rain and dry

I wish I could be smoke
I'd go wherever you are
Floating close to you always
Lingering near, never far

Until I find my peace
Until I receive beatitude
I am a lighthouse of your image
as I burn across infinitude

~ROMANSICK~

I hear your lovely voice
The frabjous hour of all
Happiness smiles at me fondly
All my senses you enthrall

Time flies on cupids wings
I get lost in your every word
My lonely heart rejoices
sweetest sound I ever heard

I am left pondering later
And for a minute I am okay
Sooner or later the joy subsides
and the happiness goes away

Your voice had warmed my
estranged and desolated heart
The avalanche of sorrow
turn it to stone and tear it apart

Strange emotions stir in my soul
My life enters a state of commotion
Everything seems worthless
I doubt each and every notion

I meekly sit and watch
as my body helplessly drains
Life swings like a pendulum
to and fro between joy and pain

I am too shy to say
but i want you to know
Nothing can compare to you
I am living in your afterglow

When I talk to you
time flies away, doesnt tick
Something has happened for sure
my friends say I am romansick

I will possess your heart

Stars blaze in the darkness
A trillion asterisks without exclamation
Each gives me a glimpse of you
You are my constellation

The moon shines brightly
Like a beautiful fairy
My jaws drop open in awe
while my heart makes merry

For I see you in the moon
Its your smile in the crescent
Full moon shows me your face
Clouds cover you,cruel and indecent

How long seems the night
if you are kept awake by pain
But the dawn seems to rush
when heart is cheerful,mind sane

I am tired, my arm aches
But sleep evades my eyes
Lost in your thoughts
marvelling you and the nightsky

I believe that night is richer
and vividly colored than the day
It acts both as a healer of sorrow
and a scroll of ideas that noon mislay

The twilight sings lullaby
Eyes are drowsy,arm stiff
I am grateful to your creator
As I strive to evade sleep

My heart longs for you
soft whispers, yet far apart
All I need is one chance
and I will possess your heart

When will pigs fly

In countless dreams I have seen
we’ll be together, sun or rain
Why haven't they come true
it is impossible to explain

I’ll wait for them to come true
I’ll wait for that joyous day
When we’ll laugh, scream and
cry together, come what may

We’d be together
until the end of time
I’ll be yours till eternity,
Forever you’ll be mine

Dawn is about to break
The horizon is getting red
I have waited long in dark
Still my fate I dread

Anxiety crushes me now
days are hard to get by
Each moment I ponder
When will pigs fly

I will miss you when I wake up

I lean upon my pillow
by flickering light
Sailing into sweet oblivion
this lonely night

You descend into my dreams
bathed in moonlights shower
Your face still fairer
than a peach tree flower

Our hearts our soul
hear the same tune
We dance hand in hand
my greatest fortune

You're in my dreams
my feelings I can't dout
It gets me through the day
You are all I think about

Although I can not see you
and you are so far away
I close my eyes, there you are
All my frights, fears allay

Until "then" I hold you in my dreams
lying on my bed like a dollop
In my dreams we are together, forever
but I will miss you when I wake up

sunless garden when the flowers are dead

One winter evening
I saw you in the neon glow
I thought you will stay forever
that you will never go.

With every breath you took
air seemed a little sweeter
With each and every sunrise
Earth seemed a little brighter

So beautiful, so incredible
I still wonder, its still a mystery
Was it a dream? Or was it real
Lost in the memories, lost in the reverie

The wind rustles the leaves
The grass gets burnt by the sun
For nature and for me
Spring has now been done

This part may not be forever
keep in touch through the days
I will treasure your laughs and tears
while we are on our separate ways

My mind is in a state of trance
engulfed in thoughts that you still care
Nothing above me as I fall asleep
my spirit is tattered and bare

The darkness brings endless sorrow
tears roll down onto my bed
Without you, O my sun
I am like a sunless garden
when the flowers are dead

Still in love with darkness

Still feel like life isn't worth living. Still feel like staying in bed because just couldn't face the day. This feeling has dragged on and on with no end in sight...the feeling of being in an endless slump. Need to stop damaging behaviour before repercussions take place. Still wait for the dawn to break, for time to heal me.

Both in nature, in our lives, it’s always darkest in the absence of light. On a personal level, when I am depressed especially when facing challenges, it is up to me to make things better by making a conscious decision to let some light in. I don't have to sit around, waiting for the breaking of dawn, waiting for time to heal me. It is a conscious decision that I must make to allow light to brighten my life, and let the "dawn" of a new day light up my life and my mood.

Only in embracing the deepest sorrow can we also know the deepest joy. Without the light of understanding these painful emotions, we return to an endless cycle of depression. Here we continue the habit of hurting ourselves inside and those outside us, as they may suffer in seeing us suffer.

No I wont give up No I wont give in.

Pinpoints of light in distance can be seen

It invites me towards itself

numbing the state of depressed consciousness

Oh but I still am still am in love with darkness.

Knight in Shining Armor I

On this Earth full of sorrow and pain

You need someone to get through the rain

Someone who warms the heart when it is cold

Someone who gives you wings of gold

Someone who wipes all your tears

Helps you overcome your fears

Someone who keeps coming back

Until your life is back on track

Someone who melts a heart of stone

Who helps you find your way back home

Someone who always treats you right

Be it light of day or darkness of night

Someone who loves you for what you are

Makes you feel like you can touch the stars

Someone who keeps your secrets true
No matter what, will not desert you

Someone who protects you from mongrel and cur

Someone you can call your Knight in Shining Armor

In love with darkness

I can understand I am insane when I close all the doors and windows before it is sunrise. I ensure all nooks and crannies are sealed.I never turn on the lights, keep the brightness of my laptop to a minimum, and punch the wall to feel the knuckles. I perfectly understand I am insane, and for a considerable amount of time too.

Its been days since I've left the confines of my room. I rarely sleep or eat, and drink a lot.

What exactly is my situation?

I notice how dark I am becoming-spiritually and emotionally. Darkness and my life have become synonymus. I stay in the dark so that people around me...the very few who still care...cant see my tears. Depression is Satan's stronghold in my life. He exploits this stronghold in an effort to make me ineffective, disobedient, withdrawn, and flat-out-angry at God. I am angry, very angry.

All those who have ever loved and lost can understand this anger, which soon transforms into pain. Why me God? Why me? What have I ever done to offend you? Why did you do this to me?

Where it used to be an affirmation of love, now it is a question.

Where it used to be a celebration, now it is a mourning.

Love makes you so vulnerable. No matter how many castles and moats you build so that it cant hurt you, it still manages to sneak in, eats you and leaves you crying in the darkness. It gets inside you and rips you apart.

All this for what? A few silly moments when you feel you own this world and nothing can stop you now? When you were so happy you wish someone should have killed you then and there and spared you of the pain.

But time is a great healer, they say. And I sit and wait in the darkness, to be healed.

I'm in love with darkness of the night.

I'm in love with all that's out of sight.

I hate the colors and their hue.

And the darkness loves me too.

We only part to meet again

The trees that grow on the mountain
All go their separate ways.
Some are born to be carved into saints,
Some as charcoal end their days.
-Spanish rhyme. One of the best things about college is all the great friends that we've made.Whether cramming all night for an exam, planning a party, or stressing out about future, our friends were there to make the bad times better and the good times great. If you have two close friends or if you have twenty, you are a better person because of them.
Yes, we may be going separate ways, but that doesn’t have to mean the end of the friendship. It’s a big adjustment to make, going from seeing your friends every day to only seeing them every other week, every few months, or once a year, but it makes the time you do spend together more special: We'll spend hours catching up, talking about everything and nothing.

"Goodbyes are not forever.

Goodbyes are not the end.

They simply mean I'll miss you

Until we meet again!"

Subah-e-Benaras

Morning is the best of all times in Varanasi. The Sun appears in the sky in crimson color.Sweet vapors rise from the earth. Birds call to one another and devotees take dips in the Ganges River with the reverberation Har Har Gange.

We can only appreciate the miracle of a sunrise if we have waited in the darkness. And what a glorious sunrise it is...each day...every day...here in Varanasi

Are You There Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea

The moment that Didier Drogba profited from Steven Gerrard’s ‘misplaced’ back pass was the moment that I (and many around the country no doubt) resigned myself to the fact that the Premiership crown would probably end up at Stanford Bridge this season.

Chelsea romped to the Premier League title on Sunday as they beat 10-man Wigan Athletic 8-0 with a hat-trick from Didier Drogba and a double from Nicolas Anelka. Drogba snatched the golden boot right off of Wayne Roony's foot and Chelsea also broke Man U's season scoring record.It's all over. Chelsea are the champs. Back and front...up and down...she was truly unstoppable.

I am sure that Man U fans will have a few things to say about everything from a foul throw to a missed free kick...but there is no point in whining. But we do have a long, long wait till next season to commence.
Chelsea deserved to win the league, but so did Man U .

"You've done it before and you can do it now. See the positive possibilities. Redirect the substantial energy of your frustration and turn it into positive, effective, unstoppable determination."-Ralph Martson

Go Man U...EPL 2011 beckons

its near

Like as the waves make towards the pebbled shore, so do our minutes, hasten to their end. Last theory exam is over. We have reached the end of an era. But we should try and make the most of the little time we have left. Here are a few suggestions.

One last night out at ghaat.

Play it loud. So loud that it shakes the foundation of the hostel.

Look out for "VASOOLI BHAI"...be it the mess maharaj, the newspaper hawker,the dhobi or anyone else. Run for your life at the sight of any such people.

Burn all books and notebooks, make a bonfire and dance around it like nuts (P.S. if you run out of paper, hostel furniture can be used as a substitute, and empty deo bottles can be used as crackers)




Drink. Drink whisky, drink vodka, drink scotch, drink rum, drink beer, drink wine. Drink whatever comes your way.Drink more...and more. After all college is like a fountain of knowledge - and the students are there to drink . And we must inebriate as much as possible before we leave

The tets of enjoyment is the remembrance it leaves behind.

I am really gonna miss this place.

I am gonna miss my college days.

Fuc|{ Liverpool

"Instead of liverpool is crap i think its better to say that crap is liverpool .It generalises the crap thing "

This is 2010. It is not 1980. Liverpool were the best team in England, maybe even the world around 30 years ago. But that just isn't relevant anymore. So please don't tell us about your former glories because it doesn't count in the Premier League era.
Carragher sounds like Donald Duck. It's annoying. He's also not as good as Liverpool fans make out. He is not better than Rio Ferdinand and John Terry. Gerrard is annoying as well. A Hollywood player who seeks headlines and personal glory instead of putting the team first. I'm telling you, get rid of Gerrard and you will win the League.

And dont even get me started about fans of Liverpool. They are the most annoying species ever to have roamed on the surface of the Earth.

Q: What do Pool Fans and sperm have in common?

A: One in 2,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.

It seems like they do not love Liverpool as much as they hate Man Utd. Its Liverpool v Chelsea and half of them are supporting Chelsea. Way to go....

Liverpool without Torres are not even a mediocre team, as they have shown us today. 18 wins out of 36 .Bravo. It seems that Liverpools days in the big four are definitely over. Good luck playing in the Europa league for the years to come.

Moonlit ripples and the booze effect

On the margin of the river
The night is brighter than ever
The wind rocks the pier
As we sit and enjoy our beer.
This made me ponder...what are the manifestations of booze? And here is what I call as "the booze effect"

The lesser creatures promise their freedom to shrewd manipulators

Pink Floyd songs have a completely different feel

"Body builders" take their shirts off in front of Yel Chiko and start a push-up competition on the road



Fashion icons start new trends by wearing a tee front side back






Scotch lovers have one too many pegs of Glen Livet, but still demand for chocolate brownies. When their order arrives, they are found lying under a peepal tree...





"Badass bikers" get caught for drinking ad driving and are sent to the lock up, thus completing their quest to become a "Ranjhor ka Rathore"






The "always in control" tankers fall unconcious in front of the warden and hence are spared the horror of telling their parents that they drink, cause the warden does it for them

The pathologically shy come out of their shell and express themselves.

"Bottoms up specialists" puke and fall unconcious in the lobby and are dragged to their room by their BFF

"Ethyl alcohol undies" put up a spectacular peformance, be it coldplay or jimi hendrix

and finally, "Losers" think they have hit a creative patch and write such blogs that make you pull your hair out.

Regret for life wasted is more life wasted

Happiness and bliss are a reaction to life. It doesnt matter what the day’s events may be, we have the power within to choose happiness.
Our attitude about life and the things that happen to us each day can greatly impact our overall level of happiness. Inside us lies the key to being content and happy right now..right at this moment..but few use it. We have the power to create our own happiness and choosing happiness as a way of life. It isnt a matter of luck – it’s a personal choice we make.
"I have wasted my life."

"If only I had better grades my life would be much better"

"If only I had opted for a different stream..."

"If only I had better exposure while I was in school"
We often talk about the importance of being in the ‘here and now’ but what do we actually mean by this? The problem is we often plan our happiness in the future. If we get that job, tender, admission, relationship, etc, then we will be happy. The problem with planning future happiness means it will always remain elusive.

Just because I screwed up my life till now does not mean it cannot be repaired. Nothing good can come out of sitting and sulking about what you did in the past.
Being happy doesnt mean everything is perfect. It just means you have decided to look beyond the imperfection.

Also, if wasting your life is all what you can do, why not enjoy it. The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time, after all. And if you cannot do anything about the hole you have dug yourself into, sit and enjoy the view above rather than loathe yourself in self pity.

Prayer to God by an Atheist

Disclaimer:
The content found on this post are simply a form of relaxation that helps to put people in touch with a larger, intuitive realm of mind that is blocked out by the ordinary waking state and its concerns. Thus, this kind content has nothing to do with religious ideas or myths or practices per se. It is not a replacement for a religious practice, nor necessarily in opposition to any religious practice.
Also, if you are under the age of 18 years I strongly recommend you do not read any further
That should have me covered....now here goes the prayer...which actually is a product of my transition from atheism to nihilism.
O God, whom we do not believe in...
let us all not pray for you...
who does not exist in any rational realm...
There is no god. All religion is false.
Yet we love and long for holiness.
Atheistic prayer is universal and non-sectarian.
Nobody owns the tradition. No one except you and me; except all of us .
It’s a secret doctrine that’s a secret for no good reason.
So listen, and you shall hear .
In short, we are educated and we are free .
So we can, in a sense, have our cake and eat it too: with God without God.
Little children, keep yourselves from believing in God. Amen.

Even I hate my life

Even I hate my life.
Why? I dont know.
Okay, maybe not all of you, but a large number of people will fire off a “I hate my life! … Life sucks!” at the blink of an eye.
“I hate my project.”
“I hate not being able to afford a guitar.”
“I hate the way I look.”
"I hate that I will be parted from all my friends in a few weeks"
"I hate not having YOU in my life"
But why do I hate my life? I bet many would kill to be in my position. Why are never content with our lives? Is it because self contentment kill your drive to strive for better? Or does it give you confidence? I dont know. Do you?
But Id like to believe I have more reasons to love my life than most people in this world...all I need is contentment. And as has been the trend, now its time for a poem or a quote. So here it goes...
Contentment is the greatest richness for me
This is why I hold on to it real tightly
I never wait in front of any door, miserably
I am so rich and yet I have nothing
I walk among the people, just like a king

Boredom and its cure

I am bored. I dont want to do anything . I don't know how common this is, but for me, the main problem is that I feel disconnected from everyone and everything.
This totally sucks.
How have I evaded boredom till now? Procrastination.
Procrastination avoids boredom.One never has the feeling that there is nothing important to do.
we always postpone and procrastinate
"I'll do it later"
"I'll do it tomorrow"
how about "I'll do it never" ?

But now, nothing seems worth doing. Everything seems to be a waste of time, even though there is plenty of time to be wasted.
I like to think that if I had love and intimacy in my life, life wouldn't suck nearly as much, but that doesnt seem likely.
"Yet it is in our idleness, in our dreams, that the submerged truth sometimes comes to the top."-AVW
Yaaawn....this is boring

The Paradox of Choice

You are doomed to make choices. This is life's greatest paradox. The more choices we have to make, the less certainty we seem to have. Almost unlimited number of choices seem to produce genuine suffering. When there are so many options to choose from, how can we be sure we have made the right choice? People like me keep searching for the best option, wasting energy and time,but are never satisfied. When I was a kid, most of my choices were intuitive, and I invariably chose the best option. But now, choices are driven by public opinion, by stats and graphs, by results and performance. The problem is that choosing one means not choosing other, and it may come to haunt you in the future.

These lines do provide a little peace of mind...hoping you make the right choices...godspeed.

Yes, there are two paths you can go by

But in the long run

There's still time to change The road you're on.

Paan and Banaras:Inseparable

I have never been an advocate of chewing tobacco, and hate that most corners, toilets and staircases of buildings in Banaras are painted red with paan spits. But as we ate paan and pondered, paan forms the very essence of the city. If we imagine a typical Banarasi, he would be chewing paan, draped in a gamchha and ending sentences with "baa". The naturally red lips and broad lower jaws of Banarasis seem to be a natural evolution.You must have a broad lower jaw if you wish to speak with paan(s) stuffed in your mouth, after all.
I like(can tolerate, rather) the meetha paan – the sweet paan, with its combination of bitter leaf, sweet, sticky gulkhand and assorted spice, saffron, areca nut.Since ages,bards have written poems and bawdy songs about this heart-shaped leaf, and still continue to do so.The humble paan is an integral part of the city's culture of masti.
O khaaike paan banaaras wala
Khul jaaye band akal kaa taala